GLARB? FARF NORGLE VOBBERPLOP

If it's seeming more incoherent than usual around here, that's because Noodle kept us up for a couple hours in the middle of the night with the full gamut of five-year-old stalling tricks: Potty. Water. Scared. Fan on. Fan off. Can't find one of the massive phalanx of stuffed pugs she sleeps with. And potty again. Lather, rinse, repeat, from 1:30 until 3:30 this morning.

Let's see what the National Sleep Foundation has to say:

Some children learn that saying they are afraid is an effective stalling tactic or a way to avoid bedtime. On the other hand, some children and adolescents with sleep issues really have an anxiety disorder...

Nice straddle, guys. Either it's stalling or it's a visit to another doctor? (eyeroll) Thanks. (/eyeroll)

IN WHICH I EXCORIATE THE ICE CREAM MAN

Diamond Dave says you roll at 11 in the morning. Not 8 at night when we're trying to put the kids to bed. You and your endless loop of Music Box Dancer and your bomb pops, you know where you can go, yes? Fie on thee.

IT'S A SMALL GIRL AFTER ALL

Sometimes we wonder, what with Noodle demanding that she be carried around the house upside down (like bagpipes! she says) while being zotzed on the tummy, and asking for my really big scary troll voice when we read "Three Billy Goats Gruff", but tonight at bedtime I got

"I was playing beauty salon with my ponies, Daddy!"

Okay then. A girl she is.

SIX DOWN, FOUR TO GO

Noodle's really getting the hang of this falling-asleep-solo thing! And that's even with the bummer news that the Memere had a bad cold and wouldn't be joining us at the Chuck E. Cheese or wherever it is we're going tomorrow.

We're also psyched here in Boogerland, because today I got my first hack posted over at the mighty parenthacks.com! Not that it's any amazing work of genius; I merely suggested a clip-on hat lamp would work wonders if you're in a situation like ours where the light from one kid's room keeps the other kid awake at bedtime, but turning out the lights straightaway would be a tantrum-maker. Here's the whole story, along with linkage to the one place I found that had the lamps if you're averse to grabbing them from the point-of-purchase rack at your local Wal-Mart.

HO, HAHA, GUARD, TURN, PARRY, DODGE, SPIN, HA, THRUST

And once again my trusty buck-and-a-quarter quarterstaff bends my beak up into my face.

Noodle is a fiendish bedtime duellist, you see - always on the look for an angle to stay up just a few minutes longer, and now she's got me trapped by means of the "I'm scared" card. Scared of what, she will not say - if I could pry that info out of her I'd deploy the monster-spray and such - but should I get any farther away than her bedroom door the caterwauling begins.

Or she lays on the cute, real thick-like. "I want a cud-dle, Dad-dy". Chin-quiver and all.

We had a nice thing going for a while, where she got two or three stories tops, and if she wasn't tired enough at that point she could play quietly with her Leap-pad and let us know when she was tired, which usually only took a few minutes and out she went. But now she calls me in under the pretext of wanting to go to sleep, then springs the one-more-story, one-more-cuddle on me. Tricksy.

Her Awesomeness can't help, because she's putting Beast to bed...and if he's still making noise, then Noodle hears it and doesn't want to miss out on the fun.


On top of all this, Noodle has learned that if she has to go potty in the middle of the night and wants to be rid of those ghastly overnight diapers, she has to get up and actually go to the bathroom...but instead of asking quietly for help she goes right to freak-out mode, a true joy at 2 in the morning. Today, she's home with me with a bit of a cold, and has enjoyed kicking my butt at Candyland and of course has used the markers to draw all over her feet to make footprints because we don't have a stamp pad big enough for her size-12s.

Long as I got all the footprints cleaned off the walls, nobody need be the wiser.