HOLD THAT THOUGHT, KID

Noodle: "Look what I found on the floor, Daddy - a dime!"

Daddy: "You can keep it and put it in your bank, hon."

Noodle: "That's okay, you can keep it. I already have a lot of money."

THE $22,800 BABY MONITOR

Holy moly:


So not quite everybody is having trouble out there, seeing as they have 23 G's around to drop on a baby monitor.

THE WISE HEADS OF THE SENATE PREVAIL FOR OUR CHILDREN

Hey, great. The Senate passed their version of the bailout bill, just tweaked a teensy bit from the original so that it's no longer a measly 3 pages, but 451.

Here's the full, gruesome PDF. Skip ahead to page 300 for the good stuff, to wit:

Subparagraph (A) shall not apply to any shaft consisting of all natural wood with no laminations or artificial means of enhancing the spine of such shaft (whether sold separately or incorporated as part of a finished or unfinished product) of a type used in the manufacture of any arrow which after its assembly-
"(i) measures 5⁄16 of an inch or less in diameter, and "(ii) is not suitable for use with a bow described in paragraph (1)(A).''.
"(b) EFFECTIVE DATE.-The amendments made by this section shall apply to shafts first sold after the date of enactment of this Act.

And so, parents of America, the answer to all our problems from the learned men and women of the Senate: yes, you WILL still be able to warn your kids that they'll put their eyes out playing with that stuff.

ARRH, 'TIS PIECES OF EIGHT

This week we've been introducing Noodle to the concept of money, savings, and delayed gratification, on the road to Allowanceville and Chorestown. And delayed gratification is hard to do for grown-ups, let alone a four-year old. Your first hurdle may be a lot like ours. We showed Noodle a dollar bill and demonstrated what it was for...and she was bored, because your basic one-dollar bill is even less flashy to a kid than it is to a grown up. Enter the Mint:

Oooh...shiny!

This the Noodle likes. It's so much clinkier and prettier than a grubby old crumpled-up bill.

That, by the way, is the flip-side of the dollar coins the US Mint has been rolling out since last year. The front sides depict the presidents, and so far they've gotten up to Monroe. Whatever. All she knows is that thirteen of them will get her the My Little Pony toy she wants so desperately, and to get a coin she has to go to bed promptly at 8 without any stalling or kvetching or melodrama.

Eventually, we transition this into her allowance for doing household chores. I have been waiting for this since the moment she was born. Get to work, kiddo - daddy is freakin' beat.

SPITZER

O, how I was hoping to avoid politics and my day job intruding here, but this is too big.

(Hang on. Noodle and Beast are hugging each other. "Awwwwww" break.)

The analysis I'll leave to the chin-strokers. From me, a quick rundown of some other things that Eliot Spitzer could've done with his money instead of hiring a hooker:

• light up every high-school football stadium in Texas for one hour ($4200)
• an hour on a really sweet private jet ($4200) or a tank ($5000)...or Air Force One (Reagan-era) ($5200)
• an hour's billing for a tobacco litigator ($4000)
• a car that goes 180mph in a wind tunnel, without moving ($4000)
• one hour of a typical cheesy wedding ($5000...more in Jersey)

It's late, and since the governor didn't up and quit yet, I'm to bed.