Last month when I landed my new job, I set this week up so that I'd be off today and have one last free day to tie up loose ends before sallying forth in full regalia. It'll be a long time before I rack up any vacation time.
Beast conveniently filled that bit of space with a technicolor-yawn stomach bug, and the mechanic did his part to fill the household's newly-acquired budgetary space with an "oh by the way you need your 30,000 mile service and that'll be four-five-six-fitty or so..."
...so all that loose-end-tying will have to be shoehorned into some other day as I ensure that Beast has a restful day without any of that knees-bent-running-around-advancing-to-the-barf-bucket behavior.
It. Never. Ends.
Showing posts with label reverse peristalsis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reverse peristalsis. Show all posts
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
A SWELL FIRST WEEK BACK AT WORK
Tuesday: Noodle nightmare at 1:30, insisted on staying up to see me off to work at 3:00.
Wednesday: Noodle nightmare at 1:00.
Thursday: Beast urpage at 2:30.
My new co-workers must be wondering what they've gotten into with this baggy-eyed thing that comes schlepping into the station to do the news.
Wednesday: Noodle nightmare at 1:00.
Thursday: Beast urpage at 2:30.
My new co-workers must be wondering what they've gotten into with this baggy-eyed thing that comes schlepping into the station to do the news.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
THE MANLY ARTS, PASSED FROM FATHER TO SON
Herman's dietary routine, translated into pidgin BASIC, which I haven't used since 1982 so forgive the lapses:
1 REM V=the amount of semidigested cat food that'll be coming up Herman's esophagus if he keeps eating stuff that is obviously NOT a food any other cat on the planet would eat
2 REM B=our budget for nice things
5 LET V=0
7 LET B=50
10 INPUT "Has Herman eaten his insanely expensive veterinary cat food?", F$
20 IF F$="Y" THEN GOTO 40
30 IF F$="N" THEN GOTO 10
40 INPUT "What else has Herman eaten?", E$
50 IF E$="DEAD LEAF" THEN LET V=V+10
60 IF E$="KETCHUP" THEN LET V=V+15
70 IF E$="TOENAIL CLIPPING" THEN LET V=V+20
80 IF E$="SHOELACE" THEN LET V=V+35
90 IF V<20 THEN GOTO 40
100 PRINT "GAAAAAAAAACK"
110 LET B=B-10
120 GOTO 10
130 END
Next week I'll get to work on a subroutine to calculate the free time lost to cleaning up the copious by-products of Herman's reverse peristalsis. Which brings me to the meaning of the title of this post.
Like many three-year-olds, Beast is a most observant little tyke and is absorbing information every waking moment. Her Awesomeness and I are aware of this when it comes to things like obviously blue language and behave accordingly, but when it comes to descriptions of digestive matters we revert to collegiate form.
Result: Beast now knows several synonyms for "vomit", including gack, puke, hurl, barf, boof, and toss cookies. Which I maintain is as it should be for the lad, because a young fellow is not considered eligible for a Guy Card unless he knows at least 50 synonyms for praying to the porcelain god, and at six Beast is well on his way.
Heck, I just added "Cantar Oaxaca" to my extensive synonyms list this very evening.
1 REM V=the amount of semidigested cat food that'll be coming up Herman's esophagus if he keeps eating stuff that is obviously NOT a food any other cat on the planet would eat
2 REM B=our budget for nice things
5 LET V=0
7 LET B=50
10 INPUT "Has Herman eaten his insanely expensive veterinary cat food?", F$
20 IF F$="Y" THEN GOTO 40
30 IF F$="N" THEN GOTO 10
40 INPUT "What else has Herman eaten?", E$
50 IF E$="DEAD LEAF" THEN LET V=V+10
60 IF E$="KETCHUP" THEN LET V=V+15
70 IF E$="TOENAIL CLIPPING" THEN LET V=V+20
80 IF E$="SHOELACE" THEN LET V=V+35
90 IF V<20 THEN GOTO 40
100 PRINT "GAAAAAAAAACK"
110 LET B=B-10
120 GOTO 10
130 END
Next week I'll get to work on a subroutine to calculate the free time lost to cleaning up the copious by-products of Herman's reverse peristalsis. Which brings me to the meaning of the title of this post.
Like many three-year-olds, Beast is a most observant little tyke and is absorbing information every waking moment. Her Awesomeness and I are aware of this when it comes to things like obviously blue language and behave accordingly, but when it comes to descriptions of digestive matters we revert to collegiate form.
Result: Beast now knows several synonyms for "vomit", including gack, puke, hurl, barf, boof, and toss cookies. Which I maintain is as it should be for the lad, because a young fellow is not considered eligible for a Guy Card unless he knows at least 50 synonyms for praying to the porcelain god, and at six Beast is well on his way.
Heck, I just added "Cantar Oaxaca" to my extensive synonyms list this very evening.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
RALPH TRIFECTA NOW IN PLAY
This time it's Noodle who went for the 11:30pm visit to the temple of the porcelain god, plus the 2:30 follow-up. Except she didn't quite get to the church on time, you know?
The one good thing about this is that once the mess is cleaned up, I can be totally juvenile about it and use all the different words for vomit I haven't used since I lived in a fraternity house way back in 198neveryoumind.
Key phrase there being "once the mess is cleaned up". It's paper towel for the bulk of the bootage, followed by disinfectant wipes for the minutiae. I turn the aforementioned suddenness of the reverse peristalsis to my advantage by making sure the kids hurl in a different spot every time, and by the time I'm done pointing their gack this way and that, I get the floors nice and clean and can put off mopping for another week. Ha!
Honey? Sweetie? I was totally joking about that, you know that, right? Right?
The one good thing about this is that once the mess is cleaned up, I can be totally juvenile about it and use all the different words for vomit I haven't used since I lived in a fraternity house way back in 198neveryoumind.
Key phrase there being "once the mess is cleaned up". It's paper towel for the bulk of the bootage, followed by disinfectant wipes for the minutiae. I turn the aforementioned suddenness of the reverse peristalsis to my advantage by making sure the kids hurl in a different spot every time, and by the time I'm done pointing their gack this way and that, I get the floors nice and clean and can put off mopping for another week. Ha!
Honey? Sweetie? I was totally joking about that, you know that, right? Right?
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