ALMOST THREE YEARS I DISAPPEAR...

...and you're there all "And I'm supposed to just welcome you back in?"

Um, yes?

Because the blog may soon be...evolving. Emerging from the primordial ooze, as it were.

IN WHICH WE PLAN TO SHVITZ OURSELVES SILLY IN THE CITY

At this point I'm well used to not getting a chance to read the Sunday papers until Tuesday, and only get to skim them when I do...but today with Noodle home from school early, I got a chance to plop down on the couch with her and actually read while she half-watched My Little Pony.

And to my surprise and delight the Times travel section featured not the usual 1%er fantasy-journey pieces ("The Hamptons to Macchu Picchu, By Balloon and Sedan Chair")  but an honest-to-goodness useful quick piece on getting around with kids in the city without causing a wallet hemorrhage.

IN WHICH THE FOOD GETS WEIRD

The recipes at the blog Yuckylicious should horrify your children nicely.

MY KINGDOM FOR A HACK

So my darling Noodle this fall will be entering the grade where there's lots of project-style homework to do. That means graphics. That means printing stuff.

That means my wonderful and reliable black-and-white laser printer is not going to cut it.

That means I have to venture into the world of printers and printer supplies, the Mos Eisley of the computer-sales universe, where what I thought would be the kids' college fund will be eaten in ten minutes flat.

Unless there's some kind of way around walking sheeplike into the slavering jaws of the toner-cartridge-industrial complex...is there?

I thought maybe one of my local libraries might have a color printer handy, but no dice. What are some of the available workarounds? (If you have some local Hudson Valley knowledge, do share.)

THINGS ONLY PARENTS SAY (WHILE CLEANING THE CAR)

"How did cheese get there?"

"I've vacuumed up enough crumbs to make a pie crust."

"What do you mean, it's not cheese? It's yellow, it smells weird...what is it, then?"

"Maybe acetone will get that out."

"I think it was juice. It's too sticky to be blood."

(after a full vacuuming) "A tooth on the floor? You didn't tell me anything about a tooth on the floor."

THINGS ONLY PARENTS SAY (AND THEN REGRET)

"Hey, the kids haven't had a sick day all year!" (followed a day later by both children catching a major case of the technicolor yawns)

"Finally, a nap." (followed 15 seconds later by the phone ringing)

"You kids want waffles?" (followed by realizing you've got no eggs)

THINGS ONLY PARENTS SAY (TO EACH OTHER)

Her Awesomeness: "Are all six-year-old boys fixated on farts like Beast is?"

Me: "Wait until he finds out they're flammable."

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And that's gotten 2012 off to a classy start.