These are all from this weekend:
"Stop making chicken noises and put your pants back on."
"I do not know if unicorns go pooty-poot."
"That's Don Zimmer. You looked like that when you were born."
"You've probably put six dollars' worth of grape jelly in your hair this year."
"Careful with Mary or you'll drop her behind the piano and she'll have to have the baby Jesus back there like she did last year."