Friday, February 29, 2008
Noodle: Pretty Flamingo - Manfred Mann
Beast: Junco Partner - Dr. John
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
And she's four-and-a-half now, which means don't you be coming in here with that "four" stuff any more. Nuh-uh.
(Watch this space for pic)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
My wife. She's all about class.
"It really keeps the stank down!"
Saturday, February 23, 2008
"Made in China" is embossed on the back of the board. The sets were sold exclusively at Family Dollar stores nationwide from January 2001 to January 2008.
Consumers should immediately take the recalled toys away from children and return the board and all of the darts to a Family Dollar store for a refund.
I wonder how many people are actually going to go to this trouble to get their dollar back. If you don't have all the darts, then what - will they stiff you on the refund?
"It's 14 degrees out. You need pants."
"Princesses do NOT wear stockings to bed."
"Princesses can go potty all by themselves."
"Princesses keep their bottoms on their chairs and don't go crawling under the table like wiggle-worms."
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Noodle would love her little Mola Ram during the day and have hellish dreams about it at night.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
We no longer feel frustrated that it sometimes takes us an hour to wind down our spawn. An hour looks pretty damn good from here.
So, who's on tour in 2013?
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
An actual date. I forget what those are like. I haven't brought Her Awesomeness to a show since before Noodle was born.
Do I have to comb my hair? Okay then.
"A striptease performance," he declared, "is a display of beauty, sipped and its bouquet savoured, as one might do with a rare and delightful wine."
We'll put aside for now the issue of whether using that line of logic is going to work with the wives and girlfriends in our audience. Fare thee well, holy man. Hope you brought some twenties for the girls, just in case.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Freddy, it could be said, was a brave dog. He saw the alligator in a pond near the pedestrian trail...
He jumped in the water.
And the alligator ate him.
This is why we in Castle Lovelybooger are cat people.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Click the link to find out ways to get around this fiendish diaper-industrial complex plot. The comments are particularly interesting, with several commenters claiming that Wal-Mart is refusing to honor manufacturers' coupons from customers who stock up on diapers and use multiple coupons. I vaguely recall a Target clerk mentioning this policy to me while stocking up for Beast a few weeks ago, but I will have to test the claims for myself when I head out to buy another couple packages of GoodNites and Pull-ups later today. I'll report back...but if you know anything in the meantime, feel free to drop a comment!
Last week we started seeing higher shelf prices on both Huggies and Pampers, and today we're seeing a "sale"price of $9.99 per jumbo that used to be $8.99. For size 3, that dollar increase amounts to an increase of just less than three cents per diaper--about 13%! Most families will need to add between $5 and $10 per month to their diaper budgets, or $60 to $100 for the year.
UPDATE: No coupon hassles at Target. Wal-Mart to follow after the snow/ice/rain/muckstorm moves through.
Monday, February 11, 2008
"Leave Herman alone in there. He wants privacy too."
"There's another potty song?"
"Yes, dinosaurs tooted too. Especially the ones that ate all their veggies."
"Ask your mommy why it comes out that color."
"That's your tummy telling you it wants more cauliflower."
"Did you leave that brown line on the couch or was it Herman?"
Sunday, February 10, 2008
When the Nazis invaded Poland in 1939 Fawcett joined the Polish army but had been in barracks for only a week before escaping from the advancing Nazis and hitchhiking back to Paris. When the French rejected his application to enlist, Fawcett joined the Section Volontaire des Américains - the ambulance corps.
He was sharing a studio with another young American, Bill Holland, whose mother was a German aristocrat. One of Holland's relatives, General Otto von Stülpnagel, had been appointed commander-in-chief of occupied France, and when Holland introduced Fawcett to senior German officers he was able to pass important information to the French Resistance.
In Paris Fawcett also took part in the rescue of a group of British prisoners-of-war who had been placed under French guard in a hospital ward by the Germans. By impersonating a German ambulance crew, Fawcett and a comrade marched in at 4am and ordered the French nurses to usher the PoWs out into the yard. "Gentlemen," he announced as he drove them away, "consider yourself liberated."
"You're a Yank," said a British voice.
"Never," came Fawcett's lilting southern burr, "confuse a Virginian with a Yankee."
Cameo appearances by Louis Armstrong, Warren Beatty, Hedy Lamarr and the mujahideen of Afghanistan.
The whole thing. Read it.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
If you don't eat your meat...um...
(at this point we realized what we'd said and that we might as well bring it on home)
...you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
And then a "stand still, laddie!" for Beast just for good measure, even though he was by now happily plowing his way through the shepherd's pie. For our next trick, we'll have breakfast while a giant inflatable pig soars over the kitchen table.
Friday, February 8, 2008
I've been practicing the old fake-yawn-stretch-arm-around-my-date move, because I'm rusty.
We drive home and the Noodle asks nicely for the "horse and tail song" instead of howling for it when she hears something she doesn't like; instead of the usual transition battles the little ones marched smartly inside, put their boots neatly into the tray, and since they weren't getting their hair cut they didn't have to move each other's clothes down to the lower peg and report to Mr Viney that they've had their chit signed. And into the tub they went. Adorableness and splashing ensued...and not the usual squalling!...followed by butt-nekkid toddlers tear-assing into the living room because they were so good we figured they'd earned a bit of TV while they got their jammies on. Beast likes The Incredibles, as it turns out.
Most amazing of all, they went to bed with only a bare minimum of grousing, and the Noodle even deigned to give me a smooch before dozing off in her pile of stuffed animals.
We have no idea why it went so well.
Today we will return to our regularly scheduled chaos and madness.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Look. Shiny! What? Oh.
I also remain gratified that there were voters in Wisconsin, Virginia and Texas who showed up a week or two early for their primaries, and positively delighted that Florida remains our champion for electoral cluelessness. Great job showing up a week late there, Floridians:
"It's funny that they want to argue with us about it," said Janet Olin, assistant elections supervisor. "We absolutely have had more than a handful, and they are a handful."
Many thanks to Florida elections officials for keeping these folks occupied, and thus less likely to come up here where they might (gasp) drive.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
I got out of work at a reasonable hour. Didn't get stuck behind an oblivious menace on 9G. No messages on the machine at home, nobody calling me from work with questions that could just as easily have waited or been asked and answered by email, no wrong numbers, no workers crawling around in or on top of of the house...and so for the first time in weeks, I was able to take an uninterrupted nap. A proper, three-hour Dagwood nap. With drooling, thank you.
Refreshed, your warrior did the dishes, attacked some of the mess in the living room, finished my PM newscasts, threw some wash in the laundry, had another go at the living room...
...and forgot to make dinner because I lost track of time, which flies not only when you're having fun but also when you're sorting out Candy Land cards from GeoTrax toys.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
2008 is the year to break with tradition when it comes to baby names, says Suelain Moy, author of Names to Grow On. That means if you love Irish names -- but don't have an ounce of Celtic blood in you -- go with Aiden anyway. "Parents are also really starting to play around with language," says Moy, creating Nevaeh" from "Heaven" spelled backward or the funky "Semaj" from the traditional "James," for example. Miss your maiden name? Consider turning a surname, like Addison, Miller, or Carver, into a totally unique first or middle moniker for your kid.
Trend Tip: Road-test an offbeat name by using it to make restaurant reservations.
And here's my trend tip: road test offbeat names by writing them down on a piece of paper, then set that paper on fire and compost the ashes and never ponder a "unique" name again - because tens of thousands of other parents are making the same "unique" choices you are. This is how we got a generation of now-mortified ten-year-old girls named Britney. Still feeling good about that pick, moms?
After you've disposed of the trendy and shallow and the stripper names, go three generations back in your families and find out what names worked for them. If you're lucky enough to have a great-grandparent-to-be still alive, you'll both honor and delight them by using their name (or their spouse's). By way of example, the Noodle is named after her late great-grandmother, who died suddenly shortly before the Noodle was born. And to this day her great-grandfather keeps pictures of his two favorite girls by his bedside and gives them both a kiss before tucking in for the night.
Ten human embryos each containing the DNA from one man and two women have been created in a project that within three years could lead to the first genetically altered babies being born in Britain.
The form of gene transplant proposed in Newcastle will be bitterly opposed by pro-life campaigners but offers the first realistic hope of an effective treatment for an entire class of serious genetic diseases.
And then comes the science, which is quite beyond me especially at this hour. The opportunities are limitless, and not just for lawyers, stand-up comics and talk-show blowhards.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Lose your health-care card? Not a biggy, there's another one coming in a week and in the meantime you can print a temporary card off our website just in case.
Lose that adorable little booklet of the kids' baby pictures? Can of corn; we print one up again on Shutterfly and it's all good.
Lose the driver's license? You'll be waiting four to six weeks, sonny boy. And if you're pulled over in the meantime, deal. Love and kisses, the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles - Now with 1978 service at 2008 prices!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Peter Gabriel is recovering after breaking his left leg while skiing in Switzerland.
"I hit a rock and I could feel a loud snap as I broke my leg, and then I skied down to the piste, which was a bit stupid."
While laid up, Peter received a package from his old mates in Genesis. It was a fruit basket. And a set list and rehearsal schedule for the 2009 tour. (A man can hope, yes?)
Trouble is, the amenities for kids at the two old ballyards have never been much, and having seen that baseball palace in Philadelphia I'm thinking we're doomed if the game turns out not to be to their liking.
Would LOVE any tips on keeping a four-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy occupied at the game.
In the meantime, it's seven hours and counting toward the deadline for the Johan Santana trade to go through. Tick...tick...tick...don't you panic now, Mets fans. Really, just stay relaxed. Deep breaths.