Silly me, I thought that since Beast had turned three-and-a-half we had safely negotiated the era of Emergency Room Visits Thanks To Weird (Stuff) My Kid Did, but no.
Chopstick in the ear.
No eardrum puncture, no serious or lasting damage at all, just a bit of a scratch in the ear canal to keep an eye on while it heals up. It goes into the annals of Jones famililal greatness alongside yours truly's Great Raisins-Up-The-Nose Caper of '67. And the ER at Northern Dutchess Hospital gave us a 5% discount for dealing with our copay up front, which reminded me a little of George Carlin's old "Bud's Medical Center" bit (Bud's! Where all the sick people go!). But hey, a buck-seventy-five saved.
After posting this on Facebook, I heard from two friends who had both taken their kids to the ER in younger days to deal with...tiny doll shoes lodged in the nostrils. We must have missed that trend.