WELCOME BACK, HON - I CAN TOTALLY EXPLAIN WHY THERE'S A COLANDER FULL OF BARBIE DOLLS IN THE SINK

Her Awesomeness is surprised and relieved upon her return from a day of Woonsocketry.

I got through an entire day by myself with the kids without a) burning the house down, b) getting a visit from CPS/FBI/ATF/etc. wondering what in sam hill I thought I was doing, c) collapsing in a broken heap by noontime, or d) grabbing that bottle of Screech on the top of the cabinet and pounding that bad boy down.

The kids ate something resembling three meals at the appointed time and place, and kept their bedtime grousing to a minimum.

And so we celebr-- oh, that's the "check engine" light, isn't it? Splendid.

THE SNIFFLE SHUFFLE

Thought the week was sussed out pretty well. Home with the kids on Monday since their school was closed for Passover, so I shoved all the yard/house/office work into Wednesday, my second and final usual open day for the week. Weather's great, so as long as nobody gets sick we should be --

(cough cough cough...mommy? daddy?)

Aw, heck.

If you guessed that one of the kids up and got sick on Tuesday afternoon, shooting my finely-honed plans all to heck, congratulations! Have a cookie. You must be a parent, too! Okay, plan B. Play-Doh, drawing, lunch, nap. Are there any day games on so I can at least introduce Beast to the wonders of televised baseball? Nope, not a single one. Thanks a bunch, Lords of Baseball. Thanks for going the extra mile to help me bond with my boy. Way to introduce new fans to the game. Morons.

When I'm elected benevolent dictator, I shall decree there be at least one day baseball game for each day of the season so that daddies and their sniffly baby boys can recuperate the proper way.