"Okay, there's a lot of chocolate on the floor and a lot of poo on the floor, so it's really important that nobody eat anything off the floor today."
"Jesus came back on the third day, and Herman came back on the second day, but Jesus is still smarter than Herman. And smells better."
"No, there wasn't any Home Depot when Jesus was nailed to the cross. They had to make their own nails."